I was at an awards ceremony for some professional runners several weeks ago. Men Keflezighi was receiving a lifetime achievement award and something he mentioned in his speech really stuck with me. He shared with us that he used to run “too emotionally”. When he stopped running in this way- he ran faster. Afterward, my roommates’ sister-in-law (Badass runner also receiving an award that night) brought this moment up again. She shared that people will often run for specific causes and loved ones. People who are important to them and people who have died. She explained that while this is a nice sentiment- the emotional aspect actually is more likely to slow you down than speed you up. Run smarter.
This makes complete sense to me. As I mentioned I started teaching barre work-out classes a few weeks ago. This is very different than an actual ballet class. It is not dance- it is a workout. I have found that after working in a ballet class I usually have a decent amount of pain in my recovering foot and ankle. I have come to realize that in ballet class- I am working emotionally. I don’t mean emotionally expression through dance. I mean as I train I have an emotional attachment to the physical work. I desire to have a better point and a stronger releve and wider turnout. This desire works it’s way into the work and takes a toll on the body as opposed to building the body. Building heaviness into the muscles. In a barre workout class- it is a workout. All emotion is removed. We are doing little reps to build strength. And here- I leave class pain free, with newfound strength built. Training in this way has led to breakthroughs in my body. Training without fear, without a desire to be something else- I can just train my body.
I had a voice teacher that would tell me to be “emotionally cool” when working on vocal technique. (I was very much not emotionally cool). The desire to be anything or make any kind of sound while working on the voice actually keeps you from building better technique and puts strain and tension into the voice. I have spent a lot of time working this way on my voice- emotionally cool. I have worked through the exercises and found great results in my technique. And because of that, I have built an instrument that is very technically strong- but sometimes disconnected from creation, from soul. Working on exercises removed the emotion and allowed me to work- but it also shifted singing totally into my right brain. Working logically on singing as if it were a math problem. This has proved beneficial in growing in technique. But at the bottom line – singing must come from the soul. Whether it is my own or the soul of the character I am inhabiting.
A few months ago I was working through the book “The Artist’s Way” (highly recommend). I got about two-thirds of the way done with it and took a….break. I am not sure why. I got busy. Other things became more important. I started it back up again in the last couple of weeks. In the beginning of the 9th chapter, she writes that you will want to give up here- don’t. Hmmm… Maybe I needed her to put that at the end of the 8th chapter. I never made it to the 9th. But now that I have it all seems that much more relevant in my current life. She wrote, “Artists and Intellectuals are not the same animals”. She explains that while intellectual talents are not a bad quality to have- they do not help or support the creative process whatsoever. Which makes an academic setting a pretty unlikely environment for artistic growth. She goes on to say “The halls of academia, with their preference for lofty intellectual theorems, do little to support the life of the forest floor.” (She is a logical thinker herself as well as an academic- so she has a place to speak to this). I had a professor in college who understood the necessary makings of an incubator for artists. Although quite intellectual herself, she created an environment of unknown- she pushed us to explore- to break the boundaries in our own minds and bodies for that matter. She gave us the tools to discover- not to “think”. I don’t remember when or why this feedback was given to me, but I will always remember my beloved professor telling me in a private meeting, “You think very linearly”. It might seem quite a presumptive statement to make to another person. And yet she was an observer of her students (thank goodness), so she gave me this feedback. And this feedback was devastating to me. And I couldn’t pinpoint why. Somehow I took this as such an insult. I think I had prided myself to that point on my ability to “think” my way around others. It had helped me “succeed” in life so far- which mind you life so far was school. But now- this part of me that I thought was so “good” was not helping me. Somehow in this world of art and creation, I had to be okay with there not being a “right” way. I had to be okay with exploring. I had to be okay with not knowing the way- but finding the path beneath my feet as I go.
This may seem like very flighty language- like what am I actually talking about. I am talking about the creative process. The most experienced artist does not know how to rehearse a play they have not yet begun rehearsing. We may gain tools in our toolbox to attack a new role- but really we are inventing something new each time- discovering the way along the way. This is completely counter-intuitive to our intellectual brain. The logical side that is actually extremely beneficial to us as artists as well- in the right circumstance.
Removing the emotion from technical work that requires repetition and discipline can be incredibly effective. It does sometimes feel like closing off part of your soul. And the soul is incredibly necessary to creation. But even in creative work- the flooding of heavy emotion from your own life may or may not be helpful. Finding the balance of working openly and creatively with an emotional equanimity is the goal. (And yet my professor from college would say- even having a “goal” insinuates trying to achieve something- which is not what we’re doing in a creative pursuit).
Emotional/Creative vs. Logical/Intellectual. What do you think?
Joe being handsome at his Christmas gig. 
My mom cutting the AMAZING Home-made Gluten Free pizza my brother made when I was home.