I quit my job! What job, you say? So backing up- I passed my exam a couple months back! I am now a certified personal trainer. I very quickly was able to get a job with one of the biggest chain gyms in New York City. It was at my favorite location- a location I had been a member at for over a year. It seemed like a pretty sweet deal- but even before I started I had some hesitation. I was unsure if this was the right thing for me. As it turns out it absolutely wasn’t. For many reasons. But the main thing was- the philosophy of the company was completely out of alignment from who I am and what I want to do in the fitness industry. The focus was sales beyond anything else- even the wellbeing of the clients. This isn’t to say it would have been impossible to work for a company like that and still do it my own way. Other trainers there found a way. The decision was difficult but when it came down to it, all logic and reasoning aside, my body knew that this wasn’t right.
This happened- yesterday. So it is fresh! But these are the thoughts I have gained from it. I feel so free! I have never actually quit a job before. I have moved away, so I had to leave a job. A contract has ended- so I leave a job. A contract has ended and I have decided not to return to a renewed contract. I have broken my foot- so I had to leave a job. That one was my body choosing for me because for whatever reason I couldn’t see I needed to leave anyways. Seasons have ended- but I have never actually made a decision to leave a job. To leave a job because it is actually the wrong place for me to be. Because it is actually making me miserable. When I realized this fact I became actually pretty stoked to go in there and quit.
It was a hard decision for me because the experience also pointed out some weaknesses I have, and I wanted to be sure to discern the difference between leaving because it was the right thing and leaving because an emotional response. This experience revealed more clearly to me the power I sometimes give to others to drive me insane. People can’t actually move into my brain and rent space without me actually allowing that to happen. I can actually decide whether they take over my entire mind.
This morning I got to meet with a coach/personal trainer that my friend has worked with the past several months. Every word that came out of her mouth was like- yes!! Yes yes yes. This is all yes. Just about every word that came out of my previous employers mouth was like -what? And no. And NO. And maaybe….. but required some translating to get the core of the message until I could see the yes. Talking to this trainer set me on fire. I don’t know exactly the direction
I am going in now. But hearing someone speak words that I could completely get on board with was a huge “YES”. And yes’s open energetic doors all around us. This conversation alone felt like more openings and more fuel than the 3.5 short weeks I spent at the other company.
To be able to work with other people who communicate differently that you is of course an invaluable skill. Something that is necessary- no matter who you are or what you do for a living. And I could have stayed. I could have turned my translating skills on high and worked at that gym. But at the end of the day- how much of my energy is that worth?
What I am learning is that we actually have so much say over whether we are miserable or not. We get into these places in life where we think we have to endure the circumstances we are in. I have been paralyzed, unable to make a change- because I was afraid. Because I thought I’d be lost without the “stability” my current situation gave me. In this situation I even had my boss telling me that I ‘wouldn’t find anything better out there.’ Hearing him say this to my face was eye opening. These are the quiet demons that live in your brain that we feed and give power to. But once the demon was spoken out loud to me from someone else- it hit me- what a freaking LIE. How absurd- for another human- with his limited experiences on this planet- could tell me what my experiences will be. I don’t know that I would have been able to do that a few years ago- but now I can look at that and call the bullshit bullshit. And looking around- there are a hundred other opportunities to be a trainer. Also a thousand opportunities to be an actor.
ALSO. When you make a decision like this- a decision that moves you closer into alignment with your inner compass. That takes you away from things that were making you smaller- you open yourself up energetically to allow other things in. The good things that are in alignment with you. When you make a decision like this you are telling the universe how to treat you. I think for a long time I told the universe that it was okay if it kept throwing shit at me- I would sit there and take it. The same day I decided to go in a quit- multiple new opportunities came into my life. More on that later.
So. All this wisdom I am learning. I think I should also say that it started with my crying the phone to my mom at the beginning of the day yesterday. I just think it’s important to include that information as part of my process :). And NOW I can say- HAVE NO FEAR. And go for it. Make the changes you need to make in your life. You are not stuck.
