Relevent.​

I think many of us quickly become afraid that we will become irrelevant. I know I do. That if I don’t audition, I will be “out of the game”. It’s actually kind of a thing in the performance world. Maybe it’s a thing in other worlds too. You’ll have to let me know. There is this creeping anxiety that happens when I feel like I am not auditioning enough. I measure if I am doing enough by a made up meter that is most likely based on comparing myself to made up ideas of what other people are doing or made up ideas on “what it takes” to do this thing. It’s actually hilarious when I put it like that. But this fear-response is common. I am all about going for your goals and being focussed and relentless in pursuit of your goals. But I think there is a healthy way to do this. And most of us are so afraid of becoming irrelevant that we don’t take time to do things that add to our life that adds to our experience as humans in these bodies on this Earth that adds to the flourishing energy we posses that ultimately add to our ability to draw in our desires and reach our goals. This being out of the game thing is so terrifying to us that we deny our souls the things that it really wants. And let me tell you I am queen of this. ‘Career, goals, achieve’ was the track playing on repeat in my mind. I see it in my friends too. Afraid to take certain jobs because they are out of the city and will take them “out of the game”. …But wait… isn’t that kind of the point? To book a job? Afraid to take time off to travel and explore new things. This would take them out of the game for too long. Even afraid to progress their fitness career because it’s not the “big” dream. I think sometimes the question should not be “Will this progress my career?” But “Will this progress my humanity? My soul? My inner child?”

There were projects I thought I would be perfect for this audition season that I did not get. And in the end it has been a blessing. I am actually taking care of my body. And doing what it wants and needs as apposed to what I want it to do or need it to do for a show. I can’t imagine being anywhere else right now. Almost like everything has worked out the way it was meant to. Ha. Imagine that. As much as I wanted to be in a show right now, that is not what I am meant to be doing right now. Please don’t read this and think I am laying down and surrendering all my hopes and dreams. Just learning to hold them more and more loosely so they have room to breath and flourish. 

We still have to fight for our goals. I just said to my roommate the other day, “We’ve got to get scrappy.” ….I’m think I knew what I meant by that. ;). Let’s go after our goals in a new way. Let’s fight for what we want, but not by running into the same brick wall over and over again. I feel compelled to say- if it’s not working for your heart- find a new way. Don’t give up. Find the way that works for you. 

I am taking some time off the blog this summer! I think it is important to get quiet for chunks of time. Especially if you are creating or producing material. Sometimes you have to stop saying things so you can hear things. So I’ll see you down the road in about four weeks! Thank you for reading! I pray I don’t become irrelevant to all of you ;).

We got to borrow our friends’ dog Appa this week. Now I want a dog SO BAD. PLEASE, universe send me a dog! Or Annie. Send us a dog. 

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