It was a funny little morning. I went down early to sign up to audition, but not as early as some days. It was the Equity building which means no waiting in line outside you can just sign right up. (It’s the best. And was not always this way. #spoiledmillennials) The security guard was outside the building wiping the window on the handicapped door. I asked to go through it and he pointed to the revolving door. I pointed to my boot and said “I tend to get stuck in those.” He said “Oh here ya go” and opened the door for me. “Are you going to physical therapy?” He asked. How kind of him. Well as a matter of fact yes sir I just got approved to start PT yesterday. “Yes I am!” I exclaimed excitedly. “Where?” He replied. Mr. Security man was taking such an interest in my life. “The Harkness Dance Center” I replied proudly, grateful to have gotten on their schedule because that place is packed. “Where?” He looked confused. “Is that on the 15th floor…?” Oh… he thought I was here to go to physical therapy. Like in this building. “Oh I’m going to Equity!” I showed him my ID card. I was delighted in my head about the confusion that had just taken place. I clearly was just so excited to finally say I’m starting PT. So I’ll tell you people! IM STARTING PT ON MONDAY. WOO.
I get to the sign in desk and hand the nice lady my EMC card. She takes it and writes my name down on the EMC lists that I ask for. I lean over the counter to see where I am on the list.
“I will tell you your number you don’t have to lean over!”
Me: “Oh…sorry!”
Her: “Why does everyone do that? Everyone leans over the counter!”
Me: “Hahaha I have no idea why I did that. Why did I do that?”
I thanked her for help. And laughed more to myself. Poor nice desk lady. I think people behind desks at auditions have a hard job. She’s not a monitor but still- similar stress. I think being a monitor would be even harder. You literally have to deal with hundreds of nervous people coming up to you all day long. Coming up and asking the same questions and needing something from you. How could you not hold that tension in your body? It’s all around you. Thank you to the monitors.
This morning was a good morning. A funny little morning. And joyful. After signing up I walked a few blocks North further away from the crazy. Times Square is crazy. I sat at a “Gregory’s” for some tea and a muffin. And just had a nice little time. After a while I walked further north to the rehearsal studio I reserved a room in. They have off-off-peak rates first thing in the morning and I’m super into it. I hadn’t been to this rehearsal studio in a while. Not since we were rehearsing for “Heist the Musical” last year (a musical I choreographed). I was given a room that we actually rehearsed in one day. It was such a weird thing. To be back in that specific room. Especially when a ton of rooms were open. But then get this. I’m listening to my voice lesson that is recorded on my phone, and randomly, RANDOMLY, it flips to a recording of Heist that I didn’t even know existed. It was a recording from a past production of a staged reading. I truly didn’t know it was on my phone let alone saved in my voice memos. This happened a couple of times where the recording would randomly switch back to Heist. Heist ghost? In that room? Most likely.
I walk back down a few blocks to head to The Actor’s Fund where the injured dancer group meeting is held. There were a couple cool things in “group” that I got to share today. So one of our members had been talking about this exercise where you take a pot and put it in a bag and smash it. Then you glue it back together. And then you notice that although cracked, it is still a pot and it still works. I loved this idea and joked about how we all have to go home and find pots to break. This past weekend I was doing some spring cleaning. Really getting into all my corners and sweeping and dusting and swiffering. I had this mini pot that had a succulent in it from my friends’ wedding on the windowsill that had broken several months ago. I was so sad to see it break-because it was this beautiful tiny piece of pottery. And it reminded my of my friend. So what did I do? I just left it on my windowsill, soil and all, and pretended it wasn’t there. Just avoided it. As I am telling this story to my dancer group I realize- hold up. That’s kinda what I did with my foot. I mean it’s not as simple as that. But there was a problem. And when it got worse again I avoided getting help. As long as I could. So I’m finally cleaning up the dirt and the pot when I realize- this is a pot. Oh my gosh this is a broken pot! That I could glue back together! I was so excited. I got some super glue and went to work. I tried gluing multiple pieces together at once and was annoyed to find out that that wasn’t going to work. I had to take two pieces. And glue them together. And then I had to wait. Oh. Huh. I guess… when gluing a pot back together…. You can’t glue it all back together at once. You have to do it one piece at a time. And then you wait. The lessons I need to learn over and over come to me in many different forms.
I shared a quote in “group” from “The Artist’s Way”- the book I am working through with a dear friend of mine. There’s a quote within the quote. “Checkoff advised, ‘If you want to work on your art, work on your life.’ That’s another way of saying that in order to have self-expression, we must first have a self to express.” This was a beautiful moment for me to get to read this. And it was a bit of a lightbulb. I wrote a few weeks ago about my struggle with this “loss of identity as a dancer”- a struggle I know many of my peers are going through and have gone through. What do you do when you can’t dance? I don’t know the answer to that question everyday, but I do know loosing that identity is not a loss of your “self”. Your “self” is the thing that drove you to dance in the first place. It is the thing that has something to say- that urges your beautiful body to move and express. The self is like the reason to dance. Because something inside is urging to come out, and words will never do it justice. Perhaps that is why I have begun writing. Words can never express the thing that dance does. But they can bring clarity about the self in the same way. That was a quote of an author then explained by another author then explained by me. It someone quotes this then it will be a quadruple quote!!!! Someone needs to do it just to say they did.
So “group” was awesome and comforting and enlightening as always. I walk down the block back towards the Equity building. I see the girl in bright red tights doing poses and trying to get people to take “Chicago” flyers and I see the girl in a dress and apron trying to get people to take “Waitress” flyers. (These are both musicals by the way. If you don’t know- now you know.) I have passed these two girls like 4 times already today. I look at the waitress girl “You’re doing so good!” I tell her as she tries to hand me a flyer that I do not take. She lets out a little whimper-type-laugh and then I see her eyes go slightly dead. Ha…I’m pretty sure I know the look I saw in her eyes because I have been her. Not actually her handing out flyers on the street. But that moment when someone encourages you and you’re like “How dare you encourage me! Do I look like I need encouragement?! I am an honorable and capable human being and you can take your encouragement and shove it.” I think that’s what I saw in her dead eyes. I’m really killing it with the strangers today. But I leave each interaction laughing. So that must means something’s going right.
Now for some Little Thoughts.
If I’m going to mention the bad audition days I’ve got to mention the good ones. Today I got seen at two auditions. In one day! Which for non-eq is quite the feat. I was so grateful to be in the room. And to freaking sing. That is all.
I am loving the things I am learning in my personal training studies. I have been thinking more “big picture” in terms of why certain injuries and little ones have occurred in my life. Big picture in terms of what was I doing and what was happening in my body over a long period of time that lead me to injury instead of further strengthening? I’m so excited to work with people in the future to help them get strong.
I am working on some video submissions this week and I’m trying to hold them lightly. I am constantly reminding myself that the joy lies in the making of the things. All I have truly is the joy I get from making these tapes. Once I send them off all chances for joy are out of my control. “So don’t waste the chance to enjoy it,” I whisper to myself.
A real problem and tell me it’s not just me- I am forgetting how to spell words because my phone DOES IT FOR ME.
This quote from the Robcast today…“Taking in energy from the earth three times a day”. What a way to think about eating food. I love it.
That moment when you see one body part of someone and they look just like someone you know. And you can’t see all of them. And you’re like ‘Is that what so and so’s calf looks like?! I don’t know I’ve never examined it so closely!’ And then you realize it’s not them and decide you better figure out what their calf looks like the next time you see them. Just for the future.
If you have anything you want to ask me or want me to write about let me know! This time of year is a transition for many! If you know of a college (or high school) student that might have a question or if you are a graduating senior- hit me up on social media! The icons below connect to my
I went with a friend to the Brooklyn Botanical Gardens! See there is nature in the city if you look hard enough! (And pay for it. 😂). I was so excited to see all the tulips and take a picture for my mom. She loves them.
Here is a picture of my matcha latte this morning with my muffin and my journal. I know, I know I am disgusted with how cliche this is. But… just… look at how pretty. It’s so pretty. And here is a picture of my fully functioning pot- glued back together.
Here is a picture of me, slumpy in my bed. This picture literally has no relevance to this post other than Josh said “For your blog” as he took this picture. He has gotten in a habit of saying “For your blog” as an excuse to take dumb pictures of me. But truthfully he has been taking slumpy pictures of me since college. I don’t know how he does it. But when I’m slumpy somehow he appears and has a camera. #thanksalotJKLphoto.