The Places I’ve Been

“There is no other group out there like this.”

“There is no one else doing this.”

“There is no where else like this- where people actually talk to each other.”

I’ve been in some places. Some pretty awesome places. But something I notice that people like to do is decide that their place is better than any other place and there is no other place where people are the way they are in this place. The thing I am talking about is more about the people and the community in the place than the place itself. Because obviously the best place on Earth is Colorado.

At a restaurant I worked at I remember a co-worker saying “In a city full of people who don’t talk to each other, I love to be here. Here we are family.” I found this interesting because “here” I felt like people were just as likely to talk to me as they were anywhere else. And it certainly was not the place where I found the strongest sense of community. Although I am grateful for the friends that I did make in that place. Another “place” I’ve been- we were repeatedly told that no one else was doing the things that we were doing. That we were special in our mission, because nobody else was seeking what we are seeking. 

I notice people build their tribe and start to believe- nobody else is like us. Nobody thinks like us. Nobody takes things as seriously as us. Nobody shares like us. Nobody serves like us. And once you tell yourself that then you can stop trying to connect to others. You can accept where you are because you have found the best group of all. There is no need to risk.

Community is not something to take for granted. It is sacred and we could not survive in isolation. And you might be apart of a very special community. But wherever there are people, there will be community. This idea that “no one else is like us”…. It may seem true at first, but it isn’t true. Once you look past the surface you will find commonality. Not everyone has to be in your tribe. Not everyone is like you. But if you think your tribe is doing good work… you won’t have to look too far to find another tribe who is also doing good work. 

So I was listening to a cool podcast the other day….surprise, surprise… I’m obsessed. I was listening to Karen Newell on the Almost 30 podcast and she talked about how there has been “heart field research” done that shows that a person’s gratitude can actually have an affect, scientifically, on another person. She said that people were tested while practicing the coherence technique-where a person generates the feeling of gratitude. People sitting across from the person practicing the coherence technique were tested and it was found that their brain wave and heart wave variability actually started to match the person practicing gratitude. To be honest I don’t really know what the hell that means as far as brain waves and heart waves go. But it sounds incredible. That just sitting with a grateful heart near someone can affect them. 

I went to the gym earlier this week and spent some time in their empty classroom. Two other women about my age entered the space and began their workout. One was doing some kind of high intensity hit workout with a step. The other was doing a dance warm-up. Both really claimed the space when they came in. It was weird- a kind of competitive energy. An energy that’s pretty familiar when you get certain women together in a room. Especially strangers. Especially when they’re working out. I immediately started to feel defensive and definitely more aware of what I was doing in the space. But really, what is that? Why do we get almost aggressive in our energy? I think for a long time women have had to fight to claim their power, claim their bodies, and claim their space to have a space of power in this world. (I mean who am I kidding everyone has to do that in NYC. Ya gotta be scrappy sometimes). As I started to think about this I thought about these women, coming into this space, taking time to claim their bodies. G-d, women are powerful. But so many of us weren’t told that as little girls. (I was- thanks mom and dad). I notice the girl who was warming up is now dancing, rehearsing choreography. And it is beautiful. And I watch her as I sit on the ground with my boot and stretch. I think about the gratitude heart science, and about how our energy in this room right now is affecting each other. And I shift myself from defensive to grateful as this girl twirls across the floor. Then I am horrified to find myself crying of course. It was such a gift to be in the room with a dancer on this day. To be reminded of dance. Before I left I told her I love her dancing and that she made my day. 

Her face was kind. And not aggressive at all. This place was a good place. 

“If you want to be present in the world and help other people the best way to do that is to get your own heart centered, to get your own heart clear, and to get your own heart in that loving gratitude type of space.” -Karen Newell on Almost30 podcast

You can find this episode (#204) by clicking here.