It is so hard sometimes to accept the kindness and blessings that fall into our life. I got up early for an audition one day this week and after signing up went to wait in a coffee shop. It was very early and no one was in the shop except me and the workers. I ordered my drink and a protein bar and went to get my wallet out and realized it wasn’t there. “Wait stop! Don’t make that!” I called to the coffee guy. “I’m so sorry I don’t have my wallet…I’m so sorry.”. He said it was fine. I asked him if I could sit down (pitiful crutch girl) and he nodded yes. A few moments later he set a coffee for me on the counter. “Oh my gosh! Thank you! You didn’t have to do that! Thank you very much!” Even recalling the way I responded I’m like- calm down crutch girl. I sat there drinking my yummy coffee and felt guilty. This man had just given me a gift of kindness. And there I am sitting in the coffee shop just feeling bad that he had to. But this is so silly! And he didn’t have to! Let people be kind to you! Let people give to you! Open your heart to the things the universe has to offer you! Maybe if you can accept a small thing into your heart without shame or guilt, the universe will have more goodness to give you. I think the universe and God are constantly giving us goodness. Maybe we can only receive the amount of blessing that we have allowed ourselves to receive. The amount we think we deserve. Let it in. Let the goodness in-
I watched a documentary this past week called “Heal”. YOU GUYS. It. Is. Awesome. They should really be sponsoring me for how much I keep talking about it… They’re not just to clarify. It is a documentary about people with a range of various ailments and diseases. Ranging from stage 4 cancer to skin rashes to spinal injury. (It is available on Netflix. Watch it.). These people seek “alternative” medicine to heal themselves. The documentary follows and interviews a whole range of patients, therapists, and medicinal routes. It also does not bash western medicine- which I appreciate. If anything it emphasizes the necessity of western/modern medicine and what is possible when there is a marriage of medicines and philosophies. It was amazing to see the healing that some of these people experienced. Many patients work through emotional traumas, things they hold in their bodies and things they haven’t let go of or healed from. This documentary is definitely not the first I have heard of these alternative medicines. #ImfromColorado. A holistic view on health has definitely affected the way I eat and exercise and the habbits I try to cultivate. #thankyoumomanddad. It has helped me to realize that if I cry for hours it will lower my immune system and I will wake up the next day sick. #tellthattomycollegeself.
It is amazing the power we have over the health of our bodies. I have also found myself falling into a pattern of taking this “power” I have too far and I have found myself blaming myself if I become sick or have pain. I have developed shame around not being able to heal self. And this is very far from the intension of holistic medicine.
I found one man on the documentary particularly interesting. His story was very brief. He had an accident and several vertebrae were extremely displaced. The prognosis was that he would need an extensive surgery and likely need to be in a wheelchair for the rest of his life. A medical professional himself, he explained that any patient he had, he would have advised the surgery. But he chose not to have surgery. He left the hospital and went home. He began meditating every day, visualizing the anatomy of his back and imagining his spine coming into alignment. He did this every day until one day, he felt his spine align, perfectly. And he could walk. Extreme- I know. I thought about this for about twenty-four hours, trying to meditate on healing parts of my body, shaming myself along the way for not being able to imagine the specific health I was aiming for, shaming myself for allowing fear driven thoughts to enter my mind. Thoughts of physical pain- thoughts of fear that the pain would never leave. So like I said I stressed about this for about twenty-four hours, longing to be as advanced as the spine-healing-man, until I remembered a very important part of his story. The part where he would try to imagine his spine in perfect health, and every day at some point during the meditation fears of being in a wheelchair for the rest of his life would plague him. The fear of never healing. But he would continue to meditate. He would continue each day to pursue his meditation, and each day he would at some point experience the fear thoughts, until one day he didn’t. One day he made it through his meditation with peace and calm. And that was when he experienced healing. This finally dawned on me- it is not about meditating yourself into healing perfectly. That sounds more like a magic pill that does not exist. It’s about working through your fears- as a human. No more, no less. It’s about acknowledging the fear- noticing it straight on- not running from it so it can find a nice comfy place to hide in your body. And then once acknowledged the fear is free to go.
The End. That’s all the wisdom this human has for today. Now go and heal yo’selves ;).
These are my friends. First they