You guys. Who else is tiiiiireeedddd? I swear I should be hibernating right now. January is not a time to be working so hard! I think we should all build caves and stay in them. Which is the opposite of what I am seeing- everyone working at the gym. It is funny how crowded my gym is now that it is January. I can’t wait until February when people have chilled out on their new year’s resolutions and I will have more exercise bikes to choose from again. Maybe then they will have realized that it is actually time for hibernating. Until at least March. (Unless you are skiing in the mountains. Then you don’t have to hibernate.)
Auditions are up and down ya’ll. Well when I get seen at an audition it is mostly up. And when I don’t get seen at an audition it is mostly down…. And there is a solution to that…. ha. But for now here I am. Learning and observing and trying not to go into full hibernation.
I was walking to my audition last week and getting my head in the game. It was the first time I had done a Shakespeare monologue in a while and I was very aware that this would require my full self. For the first time…..probably ever in this city- as I walked to the audition I began to use my surroundings. It occurred to me on this day that the noise of the city did not need to be a distraction- it was something I could use. Something my character could use. This is not a new idea. I have been taught this by several great teachers. (They are great). And this wasn’t their idea either. But somehow on this
It occurred to me that as a human walking in New York you are automatically put into consumer mode. It is the default. There is so much stimulus around you to consume at all times. Not only that but actual advertisements bombarding you everywhere you look. Signs, moving sings, videos, flashing lights, sounds in the signs, people calling to you to buy things. The natural place for your brain to live is as a consumer. It has occurred to me that existing as a consumer not only feels very much in opposition to creating- but it almost feels as though the consumer brain shuts down the creator brain. And yet all of this stuff- this stimulus around me- can be used to create an inner life for the character. It can be taken in and digested and dealt with as the world that that character lives in. Just use your imagination.
It is no wonder that all of these things started clicking on this day because I was on my way to an audition at which my old mentor and director would be present. He gave me language for the thing I am talking about here. I got to see him and it was very serendipitous- to be in this place that is my new place- and to see this person that has had such an impact on me- and to be auditioning for him. I was overjoyed to see him. And really fu@#$ing nervous. I kinda bombed at first. Then, he gave me an adjustment. A very simple one. And it was there. Now for the question of the century- how do we go in the room and do that the first time.
Another day in another audition holding room I noticed many things going on. Weird tension in my body that seems to want to exists even though I try to tell it there is no reason for it to be here- and to shake it out- I don’t need it. Some days the people in the room are intense. The energy is competitive and harsh. There is still a harshness today but what I actually see are a bunch of weirdo people just like me who are doing their thing while they wait. Theatre people are weird. A girl doing yoga. A guy who I think is transposing music on his computer. Some people laying around on their backs. Some people practicing their breathing. Some others writing. I don’t know these particular people and they don’t know me, but on some level they are my tribe. And it’s a pretty cool tribe to be apart of. These are my people. It is an incredible city that has so many different kinds of people from so many traditions and backgrounds. But there is also so much comfort in having a place where you know you can find people like you. I don’t mean race, or social class, or even religion. Just a place where there are cooky dreamer artists that are here to make things.
I am tired. My body hurts. I am sick of waitressing. But something I realized the other day is- I am living the dream right now. We are. This is the Dream. The dream wasn’t one contract or one show. The dream was this life as an artist pursuing this thing. And that’s what we are doing. Truly living the dream. We are here to make things. And make things we shall.
Speaking of people who MAKE THINGS. My friends are the coolest. They started a theatre company. And they put on their first PLAY this week! There are two more performances of “Great Expectations” This Saturday and Sunday in Manhattan. The link for tickets and more info is here. I am inspired by these people and the story they told so beautifully. How cool it is to see my friends expanding as artists- and serving new audiences. Buy Tickets Here!
Also MY COUSIN is an artist! I got to see his performance art at the MoMA this week. Thank you Alex for expanding my perception of art and humanity. And for being a calm presence. This is us in front of “The Starry Night”.
Look! City nature! I think that’s what they call “The Sun”. Not sure though. It’s not often spotted around these parts. Especially this time of year.
My street messenger wrote to me again…. And all of New York. But somehow again I’m pretty sure it was for me in this moment. In fact, I know it was.
