“Yeah if you stay here long enough that will happen- lots of people you know will get on broadway….. I’ve been here six years now and I’m still catering.” Some how this makes me chuckle. … first of all it is completely your choice to still be catering. WE forget in this industry that we are not powerless. We are actually incredibly powerful. Especially in New York. Where opportunities are limitless. This is the opposite of how I hear most of my peers speaking, but this is how I see it. No one should feel at the mercy of a day job. A day job is a day job. And while I do believe it is still important (and hard) to bring your whole self to your day job, it DOES NOT OWN YOU. If you are feeling like your life is in the hands of your day job- because after all it pays your rent- quit. We actually have the potential to be so free and there is no time for feeling trapped. There are many many MANY opportunities for jobs in this city. It is exciting to me. Yes the work is often monotonous and boring…but what job isn’t at times? Like I’ve said even acting can be boring after 200 performances- this is a human condition not a vocational condition.
As I continued on my journey home after catering with some co-workers, 6-year person brought up working a gig with a famous tv actor. They spoke about how it was crazy that even after doing that tv show, the actor still had to cater. There was an undertone of bitterness for our industry. Bitterness that it wouldn’t provide longer, more secure work. I was reading in between the lines. But that’s how I heard it. Almost as if the person would prefer to work something more consistent like a desk job. Something that, unlike acting, doesn’t end after three months or a year. Or something where you’re more guaranteed to book gigs like I don’t know… catering. “Yeah cus it’s the life.” I said. Yes I did say this. And no I don’t think anyone thought too deep about it. But I meant it deep. This is the life. What else is this tv actor going to do after the contract ends? Sit around and do nothing all day? Waiting for the next break? No! Get a fucking day job and let your mind breath a bit while you go through the ebbs and flows of life and of being an artist. Sure, it would be great to develop a career where you have work lined up and can consistently rely on working as an artist. And I do believe this is possible- I see it around me all the time. But it is a common reality as artists that in our careers we will have to work a day job at some point some time. And I’m here to say this is not a bad thing. It keeps you grounded. Keeps you humble. Reminds you what the real world is like in case you have spent too much time actually living in an imaginary world. It gives you material. I mean the characters in these places- come on. It gives your soul time to restore. It gives you a taste of other’s lives. It lets you learn-if you let yourself.
I was so afraid for so long that I would “give up”. I think people very rarely give up. Sometimes they do. But more often they realized what they thought they wanted is not what they wanted. I love how Mark Manson describes this in “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fuck.” Sometimes when you realize the reality of what your dreams entail- they no longer seem appealing- and furthermore you realize that reality isn’t the reality you actually want. The life of a professional artist means going after what you want for a long time- for as long as you want to make art. It means working a lot of other jobs in between theatre jobs. For acting it means auditioning. All the time.
Realizing that all of this is not what you want does not equal failure. I ran into an old friend from college this week who was talking about moving more towards casting. How freaking cool. If there is something else that is pulling you- go there. There is a difference between fear keeping you from doing a thing and truly having your passions or priorities shift. Everything in your life has helped you get to this point. And everything you have experienced will help you in your future in ways you can’t possibly know yet. Nothing is a waste. Getting a degree is not a waste. Not getting a degree is not a waste. Your path is your path. I have struggled with this idea so long and I think it is just now settling in. And now when I see other people struggling with their own path- struggling with “Is it okay that I want to go do this other thing?” YES OF COURSE. “Is it okay that I don’t want to do theatre anymore?” YES. Hearing about people not doing theatre anymore used to scare the crap out of me. It used to intimidate me so much. I think it struck at this deep fear that I would “give up” someday. It just doesn’t scare me anymore. Because I have seen many people change directions- and that is good. It is good for them. Because they didn’t give up a dream. They realized what they actually wanted. I think it is so important as we grow up to really examine what it is we actually want. I am so proud of my friends who have bravely stepped away from acting towards what they truly want. I have also realized more solidly that this is what I actually want. This is what I’m here to do. With all of the magic, mundane, and everything in between.
This is my first post that I have not posted before midnight on Thursday. SHOOT. But this is still Thursday for me… and to be fair my mom is probably always the first person to read my blog when I post and it is not midnight yet where she is.
This week I want to give a shout out to my friend, Alexa Messer. Who is an artist of many kinds. A model. A writer. And now a PUBLISHED writer! You guys her poems are moving to the core. Buy her book on Amazon https://smile.amazon.com/Where-Soul-Lingers-Alexa-Messer/dp/1720631255/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1544161864&sr=8-1&keywords=Alexa+messer.
This is her being famous. But my pictures are not as professional as her so I apologize. Also Happy Hanukkah!!!!!!
