The Myth of Yes

Sometimes you have to make decisions in this career that feel like they might define you. From an outside perspective it might not seem like such a big deal. But from the inside you know- some small part of you knows that this decision will either align with your authentic being or it will not. It may not seem like a big deal in the grand scheme and it probably isn’t- but it’s all of the little decisions that build up over a lifetime and a career that become a big deal. That do end up defining you. All we can do it pause and listen to what feels right in our gut.
I had to make a decision this week about a contract. I was called back for the role of Babette for Beauty and the Beast for a theatre not far from the city. Very exciting. Awesome role. Great opportunity. Very short run. Would still live at home and work during the week. Pays very little. But opportunity to grow and perform and connect to others in the biz. The catch: the tech was in the middle of my family vacation. My family vacation that I have been looking forward to all year. Every two years my cousins and aunt and uncle and my immediate family get together and go somewhere warm. This year I was especially excited because I had missed my cousin getting married and my other cousin has a one year old who I have spent barely any time with. Aaaandddd I would be bringing my boyfriend for the first time… palms are sweating just writing it. No one pressure us! Stop all of your thoughts right now! Lifelong decisions will not be made in the near future please and thank you. But yes a very exciting trip. And yet this job- this opportunity to do my profession. I asked some of my close friends and family for advice. All were of course supportive of either decision. But I needed someone outside myself to say some clear thoughts- because all I could think about was everyone on vacation without me. And then I would cry.
But this was the reason I came here. Theatre. This is what I am here to do. Right? Well yes. That is right. But I also came here to have a life… that goes back to the setting down roots. If I feel like I am just here to book that special job that I am waiting for- that would put me on some sort of time line that would make me feel like this place is temporary. And that this place is a means to an end. And that is not what I want. I want to build an artistic life here. And therefore- build a life here.
I was given much advice to go for this callback- to go take a chance on myself to go after the thing I came here to do- and that was great advice. And I wouldn’t have even gone to the callback if someone didn’t encouraged me. And I’m so glad I went. Long story short I was not offered the role of Babette but I was offered an ensemble role. Not what I hoped for, but still a great opportunity. When I got the call about this though, something deep inside me knew this wasn’t right for me. This wasn’t the thing to say yes to. In a way I am grateful I was not offered the role I went in for. Because this didn’t sit quite right with me. It wasn’t my show. You hear so often in the business “Just say yes to things.” And in a sense I agree with this. Say yes to things! Don’t say no just because it’s not the role you wanted, or its not the level of production you ultimately want to be apart of. Say yes to things and that will lead to more things. I’ve watched this happen to people around me this year. You never know what will lead to what. Be the person who shows up, and who says “yes”. However- I think this advice is easily taken too far. Taken to “Say yes to everything”. This is the myth. Actors are taught to believe that you must take every piece of work that comes your way. That if someone is offering you work- you have to say “yes”. But the thing about this- is that it leaves you completely at the mercy of your career. Some things you have to say no to.

I had many mixed feelings wrapped up into my answer for this company which was- “Thank you but no, not this time.” Feelings of guilt that I didn’t take something offered to me. Small shaming voices from the myth of yes. But I am starting to feel empowered by my decision. At the end of the day- you are not at the mercy of your career, or of the universe. I believe this. To try to gain control of everything is not what I mean here- you are not in control of the universe. But you are given decisions in life. And those decisions can either empower you and propel you along your true path- or they can keep you feeling chained to what “you’re supposed to do”. I am not saying that the right decision is to always choose your family over career opportunities or that you should always go to auditions no matter what they conflict with. Only you will know. I am learning to take in the voices of those I trust- I need their clarifying words- and then to listen to what I feel is in my path. I believe we possess more power in the universe than we know. And to make a decision that aligns with your truth is a powerful thing.

Sitting by my window in my comfy chair. And it is snowing! It is so beautiful outside. It makes me want to stay right here, inside all day. It perhaps does not look beautiful to you, and looks like a dirty city with snow on it. But to me it looks romantic. :). Alas, time to brave the storm and head to work!