The other day I was listening to the Robcast while I was doing my laundry. Like I usually do when doing laundry. And just all the time. -By the way I feel I have enough laundry for a family of four. I’m not sure how. But I don’t know what I’m going to do when there is more than just my laundry. I’m sure many of you are laughing in my face about this because I have no idea. …But I do think the amount of laundry I occur in a week is alarming. Anyways. So I woke up with this agenda that I have to get my Laundry done quickly so that I could make it out the door in time to make it to class in time so that I could go to two classes. And then make it home in time to shower, maybe sing a few notes of practice, and then turn around and head to work. Because this is how growth happens. It is the people who are constantly at it. Right? The people who every day little bit by little, are continuing their training. They are relentless with their curiosity and therefor discovery and therefor furtherance of their craft and their artistry. If I loosen up today, that leads to laziness which leads to complacency which means no growth. This is my thought process.
Something that has been brought to light for me recently, from studying my number on the enneagram (four) is that there is a part of me that believes there is something inherently missing from me. Hence the neurotic search for self growth and study and training. Training is good. Study is good. But the “why” is important. Because there is something missing? What if there is nothing missing. What if today I am complete and whole as I am? -At least that’s what my daily enneagram emails are always telling me that my friend Colleen told me to sign up for. haha. So why study why further the growth? Because I am missing something? Or is there another motivator that is more pure. Because of the joy of it? Because this world has so much to offer so why not explore?
Eventually I loosen my grip on my day. I let go of the first class and decide I will take my time. Buy some eggs. Make some Israeli salad. Finish my laundry. (I usually like to make laundry take many days. Do the laundry. Pile it on my bed. Lay out the laundry so it doesn’t wrinkle. Move laundry piles to my chair. Move it back to my bed. Repeat a couple more times. Fold remaining slightly wrinkled laundry and put away). I let go a bit more. I run into my neighbor in the hall and chat with him about his composting on my way to the laundry-mat. -I would usually be in too much of a hurry to stop and talk to him. I learn every Wednesday there are people set up at our train stop to collect food waste. I have seen this. But am usually in too much of hurry to stop and ask about it and also have never noticed the Wednesday pattern. I learn my neighbor freezes his food waste throughout the week and then bags it and drops it off on Wednesdays. He even offered to take ours. I pet his dog. She is the queen. And go on my way.
I run into my super and he offers to come look at our broken dishwasher. AAaaand he helps me carry my laundry up the stairs. Laundry in New York is not for the weak. Especially when you live on the fourth floor with no elevator and you have as much laundry as me.
I sit and continue listening to the Robcast. Today he is talking about the importance of boredom. And space. And all of a sudden I was giving myself space. And all of these opportunities for connection arose. I look out my window and notice how truly beautiful the building is across and up the street. I never look out my window at quite this angle. The light is gorgeous the way it hits the building and the fire-escape paints an elegant design down the front. I have never noticed that before.
Perhaps when we enjoy our lives- we can go at growth from a joy place. And yet there are some days when I know it is going to take a fighter. It is going to take me showing up and refusing to back down- or I just won’t make it through the day. And somedays- the only way to make it through is to let go. To just let go. How do we find this balance? I heard a quote. From another Robcast. From his guest who was quoting someone else who he could not remember. “A holy man is not intent on arriving.” It seems perhaps… to find the balance is temporary. But I do not need to be intent on keeping the balance- on arriving. Or even finishing my laundry. 💁🏽
The Robcast can be found on itunes. It is free. Check out episode 145 “The Importance of Boredom”.
Congratulations to this guy! I am so proud of my boyfriend. His name is Joe. Here is a picture of him. (If you send me selfies this is what you get). HAPPY OPENING. He has worked harder for this than anyone will know. All year. Today he opens “The Rivals” at Bristol Riverside Theatre.
To the community at the Tree of Life Synagogue in Pittsburgh, my heart is with you. You are not alone.